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Confronting Multiple Fantasies
Aug. 30th, 2007 01:20 pmIt's amazing that when you speak to or confront a fantasy, the charm of the person can be lessened or the prospects of the fantasy become less attractive. It's first the unknown that causes the initial intrigue and gives root to a fantasy. If you take steps beyond the immediate and superficial, you can diffuse the non-reality. The diffusal can morph (and often does) into something tangible possessing a soul and a heart.
Today, I ran into and spoke with a few guys, with whom I've exchanged very few words in the past 6 months but lots of glances and flirtations. Three guys, to be exact. All very different - one Arabic (more than likely - don't know his name yet), one Peruvian (Enrique), and then lastly, an Italian guy (Sal). Spoke with Sal in our cafeteria at work.
I was waiting for the elevator to go to a meeting on the floor with our caf, and thought in the foyer, "Wouldn't it be funny if I run into this [Italian] guy?" I didn't know his name at this point. I got on the elevator as this Italian guy was laughing about something with some of his work colleagues. I went to the caf as he was there and we spoke to each other. Nice guy - works for the 9/11 museum corporation, which is really cool.
Anybody ever have experiences like this?
Claritive point:
I am a very happily monogously-coupled, gay man. I think it is idiotic to hide one's feelings but simultaneously very important to guard oneself against temptation that would mar an otherwise fruitful and fulfilling relationship. As regards the fantasy-breeding situations I've been in over the years and specifically since starting my job in Manhattan, my method for thwarting temptation is to put a name and a soul to the fantasy because ultimately I realize that I have all the man I need at home. It would be advisable for Republicans and other like-minded religious hypocrates to make efforts to be honest with themselves. Be honest with their families. Come to terms with who they are and be at peace with God. I have with myself and with my God. I feel a great sense of freedom in that knowledge and experience of acceptance and liberation from the bondage of harbored fantasties. Those fantasties, before my life with Matt, and even before coming out as a gay man, used to fester and grow. Some of them would make me angry - for no apparant reason - until I released deeply rooted fears, anguish, and pain I held onto for years because I didn't think God would love me for whom and what I am. How wrong was I and how much more wonderful life is now.
Today, I ran into and spoke with a few guys, with whom I've exchanged very few words in the past 6 months but lots of glances and flirtations. Three guys, to be exact. All very different - one Arabic (more than likely - don't know his name yet), one Peruvian (Enrique), and then lastly, an Italian guy (Sal). Spoke with Sal in our cafeteria at work.
I was waiting for the elevator to go to a meeting on the floor with our caf, and thought in the foyer, "Wouldn't it be funny if I run into this [Italian] guy?" I didn't know his name at this point. I got on the elevator as this Italian guy was laughing about something with some of his work colleagues. I went to the caf as he was there and we spoke to each other. Nice guy - works for the 9/11 museum corporation, which is really cool.
Anybody ever have experiences like this?
Claritive point:
I am a very happily monogously-coupled, gay man. I think it is idiotic to hide one's feelings but simultaneously very important to guard oneself against temptation that would mar an otherwise fruitful and fulfilling relationship. As regards the fantasy-breeding situations I've been in over the years and specifically since starting my job in Manhattan, my method for thwarting temptation is to put a name and a soul to the fantasy because ultimately I realize that I have all the man I need at home. It would be advisable for Republicans and other like-minded religious hypocrates to make efforts to be honest with themselves. Be honest with their families. Come to terms with who they are and be at peace with God. I have with myself and with my God. I feel a great sense of freedom in that knowledge and experience of acceptance and liberation from the bondage of harbored fantasties. Those fantasties, before my life with Matt, and even before coming out as a gay man, used to fester and grow. Some of them would make me angry - for no apparant reason - until I released deeply rooted fears, anguish, and pain I held onto for years because I didn't think God would love me for whom and what I am. How wrong was I and how much more wonderful life is now.
