Citizen of the World

How do you trick your insomnia? Ever had a night where you're desperately tired or sleepy, but your mind simply cannot turn off or you can't wind down for some reason. Or do you wake up in the middle of the night after a dream (not necessarily a nightmare) that makes you think about a lot of things? Or you just wake up after 2 hours feeling like you should be refreshed, when it's only been two hours and a non-quenched lethargy sets in?

These things happen to me once in a while. There's no reason every time, either. Nothing to put my finger on and say, "Oh, I can remedy that by doing this or getting this done tomorrow."

Some people get up in the middle of the night and write lists of things they need to do. That works from time to time when there are actual things on my mind. Other times, I simply toss and turn and eventually get out of bed and play computer games, watch something that's bound to put me to sleep, make myself a cup of chamomile tea, blog a bit, or search for a themed picture thread to put on my computer desktop (which I do each season).

My typical go-to solution for many years and one I strive to retain in my bag of insomnia tricks is thinking of a field of wildflowers.  There was a meadow of wildflowers that I would pass on the way to college every spring when going from my father's house back to campus in Greensboro, NC.  This meadow was easily 5-6 acres between two houses on a country road. It's most likely built over now; I haven't driven passed it since about 20 years. But the memory of it is pretty vivid:

Once in a while in the middle of spring or at the beginning of summer, I would park my little light green Mazda GLC on the side of the road and wander a good distance into the meadow.  The flowers were tall enough that they came up to my knee and sometimes mid-thigh.  I got to a point in the meadow where I could sit down and barely see my car on the side of the road. There were wildflowers everywhere, the fresh smell of meadow, a blue sky with puffy clouds, birds chirping happily everywhere, and squirrels scurrying from yard to yard. Seriously, this was the serene scene. Simply beautiful, peaceful, serene, and filled with tranquility.  I always gathered some flowers - daisies, corn flowers, pink clover, black-eyed Susans, sometimes poppies, sweat peas, grasses, wild coreopsis, Queen Anne's lace, and much more. I picked enough for a nice couple of wild bouquets to remind me of the moment and headed home to put them in a vase. They lasted easily about a week or slightly longer and I never took a picture of them.

Yesterday, I was looking for spring-related pictures for my seasonal desktop on my computer and I came across some pictures that reminded me of the field and others of the flowers (NOTE: I did not take any of these pictures and claim no ownership of them).  Here they are (and a couple depict me in the meadow...):




Thinking of scenes like these and specifically back to "my meadow" makes me peaceful. It helps me turn off and think of nothing but communing with nature and just being. Sometimes this memory is so relaxing that in the middle of the day, I just daydream of sitting there for hours. After I brought the flowers home and put them in a vase, that sense of tranquility would last a little longer than the length of time the flowers lived in my vase. I suppose that I was subconsciously training myself to meditate or find a peaceful place in my mind and spirit to be able to remove myself from stress and be free - at least in my mind and spirit for a moment.

I think we all need that from time to time. Hope you can find peace in these settings, as well.

We've been boycotting Sonoma County, CA, for months by not buying wines from there (not easy to do!) because of the mistreatment of an elderly gay couple. The court case was finally settled on July 25th with pretty good results, but the entire outcome for the couple (who'd been together for 20+ years) was so sad. Not sure if our and others' boycott of Sonoma County products was helpful in the process, but we like to think it was. We are lifting our boycott of Sonoma County wines due to the fruitful outcome of the settlement. BTW, "the settlement also prohibits the public guardian's office from moving people against their will."

However, now Target is supporting opponents of the LGBT Community and specifically opponents of gay marriage, which, as everyone that knows me knows we support same-sex marriage (the terminology is unimportant, but the equal civil rights and federal & state benefits are important). We'll be boycotting Target now.

The substance of the issues that sprung up in Sonoma represent the need for same-sex marriages or civil unions (whatever they end up being called) across the country. A business that supports candidates that oppose same-sex marriage should not be financially supported by the LGBT community.

Out of the 308 million Americans estimated by the 2010 census bureau, there are roughly 5 million Americans (using 1.5% as based on earlier estimations) who acknowledge themselves as LGBT. If every one of the 5 million people spends $100 a month at Target, then we are supplying Target with $500 million per month to spend as they like. If, however, we decide to boycott any specific company, like Target, and remove that $500 million we spend with them in a month, we send them a distinct message that we don't like how they're using our money!

Just so companies realize, the US Gay Buying Power is estimated at between $732 and $734 billion for 2010. Wake up people! Money talks!

That's how I feel like I sound: "Doy. Duh. Goo-goo. Blah." I'm soooo out of it again today. Granted, last night I had a couple of lethargy-enducing red wine (Louis Jadot Beaujoulais), but that was while and after indulging in homemade crab cakes that my husband cooked earlier.

As I posted earlier this week, I have been going to bed later and later each night, but getting up at the same time: 7:15 AM. Yesterday, I felt faint and my equalibrium was off. Today, it's not as bad, but I wonder if it's just a cold that my body's warding off added to my exhaustion. Or is it just exhaustion?

I asked a question or two during meetings this morning already and no one understood the questions. My mind had something else in it than what actually came out of my mouth. I confused myself even because the thoughts would not formulate words firmly enough for audible exposure. How frustrating.