What I should've said was...
Apr. 18th, 2011 12:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wwcitizenDo you ever encounter people in various situations in public and think well after the encounter, "What I should have said was..." and fill in the blank. Over and over again.
Saturday night we ended up in a (very, very straight) speak-easy in the West Village, where we've been before, for a martini. It's a really cool place - during the week. We've loved going there. We've never been there on a Saturday night at midnight on a rainy evening.
Lo and behold, the place was PACKED. It can't hold, really, more than about 50 people total and there must have been 30 people in the front around the bar.
Fig. 1
We put my name in with the hostess for a table - a 20-minute wait that turned into a 35-minute drink from the bar on one of the waiting couches (left). At the bar, the cool bartender was in the process of making cool drinks. I waited patiently behind this guy leaning on the bar; let's call him "ASS" (fit the bill). "ASS" very rudely started having a conversation across in front of me to his buddy (Ass' Friend). "ASS" was yelling in my face/right ear to his buddy and making strange cracks about the crowd around us. Two very thin, small girls (Skinnies) moved to my right behind the people to my right into a space at the bar where I was trying to get to order my drink, but I didn't want to be rude.
I made a move to stake my spot at the bar (politely saying "'scuse me), to make sure I was next in line to order, logically thinking "ASS" had already ordered. He had not. The bartender asked me what I wanted to drink and I ordered two Polish vodka martinis, straight up with a lemon twist. "ASS" turned to me and said pretty loudly with a very rude tone, "So, you're in a different line?"
Me: Looked blankly at ASS.
ASS, increasing in rude tone and smugness: "So, you're in a different line than us?"
Me: "Are you saying something?" and looked at the bartender to complete my order.
ASS, still rude and smug: "So, you're gonna place your order now?"
Me: "Oh, you didn't order yet? Those aren't your drinks right there in front of you? Please..."
I made the 'be-my-guest' gesture for "ASS" to take the stage for the bartender.
Bartender, looked exasperatedly at "ASS": "You can all order your drinks; I can handle the orders."
ASS, still astoundingly smug, "I just thought..."
Me: "Please order, pal, and make sure you get your order in. Move on..."
Bartender: mouthed to me "Thanks."
I tipped the bartender a little extra for having to put up with "ASS", knowing full well he remembered my face.
What I should've said to "ASS" was, "Dude, you can go fuck yourself with the lead pipe in the Drawing Room, because you don't have a CLUE."
That line woke me up this morning and I couldn't go back to sleep for the life of me. I thought of like 10 other lines, but that one stuck out as the best of them all.
The drinks were simply amazing. Some of the best martinis in Manhattan; some of the best I've ever had. We never got our table, so we cancelled our place, and bid our empty glasses adieu. Adieu till a week night for sure! We went to Ty's afterward to make sure we had a good time before heading home.
Saturday night we ended up in a (very, very straight) speak-easy in the West Village, where we've been before, for a martini. It's a really cool place - during the week. We've loved going there. We've never been there on a Saturday night at midnight on a rainy evening.
Lo and behold, the place was PACKED. It can't hold, really, more than about 50 people total and there must have been 30 people in the front around the bar.
Fig. 1
We put my name in with the hostess for a table - a 20-minute wait that turned into a 35-minute drink from the bar on one of the waiting couches (left). At the bar, the cool bartender was in the process of making cool drinks. I waited patiently behind this guy leaning on the bar; let's call him "ASS" (fit the bill). "ASS" very rudely started having a conversation across in front of me to his buddy (Ass' Friend). "ASS" was yelling in my face/right ear to his buddy and making strange cracks about the crowd around us. Two very thin, small girls (Skinnies) moved to my right behind the people to my right into a space at the bar where I was trying to get to order my drink, but I didn't want to be rude.
I made a move to stake my spot at the bar (politely saying "'scuse me), to make sure I was next in line to order, logically thinking "ASS" had already ordered. He had not. The bartender asked me what I wanted to drink and I ordered two Polish vodka martinis, straight up with a lemon twist. "ASS" turned to me and said pretty loudly with a very rude tone, "So, you're in a different line?"
Me: Looked blankly at ASS.
ASS, increasing in rude tone and smugness: "So, you're in a different line than us?"
Me: "Are you saying something?" and looked at the bartender to complete my order.
ASS, still rude and smug: "So, you're gonna place your order now?"
Me: "Oh, you didn't order yet? Those aren't your drinks right there in front of you? Please..."
I made the 'be-my-guest' gesture for "ASS" to take the stage for the bartender.
Bartender, looked exasperatedly at "ASS": "You can all order your drinks; I can handle the orders."
ASS, still astoundingly smug, "I just thought..."
Me: "Please order, pal, and make sure you get your order in. Move on..."
Bartender: mouthed to me "Thanks."
I tipped the bartender a little extra for having to put up with "ASS", knowing full well he remembered my face.
What I should've said to "ASS" was, "Dude, you can go fuck yourself with the lead pipe in the Drawing Room, because you don't have a CLUE."
That line woke me up this morning and I couldn't go back to sleep for the life of me. I thought of like 10 other lines, but that one stuck out as the best of them all.
The drinks were simply amazing. Some of the best martinis in Manhattan; some of the best I've ever had. We never got our table, so we cancelled our place, and bid our empty glasses adieu. Adieu till a week night for sure! We went to Ty's afterward to make sure we had a good time before heading home.
