Things That Steel You
Nov. 8th, 2010 12:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wwcitizenIt's interesting to me the things that stick out as memories from a trip. In Mexico, I could point to a million little things - even a gecko on the wall that reminded me of "our" geckos in Hawai'i - that gave me pause to think about life, our trip, our relationship, the blessing of being with friends, etc.. There are so many really good memories of that trip - and lots of excellent pictures that are on their way!
I could say that this next memory is a negative one, but in actuality, it made me a stronger person in an instant - this one instance at the Houston airport where we were unfairly treated. We were confronted with blatant discrimination. We were waiting in line with straight couples (boyfriends and girlfriends - we knew because we exchanged stories of our trips for 10-15 minutes) to re-enter the US. We noticed one couple after the other, couples with and without wedding rings, approach the border guards together to go through the re-entry process - together.
When we were next, we approached together. The border officer at the counter asked me to stand back.
Me: "We're together."
Counter Officer: "Are you a couple?"
Us: "Yes."
Line Officer (behind me), loudly: "Sir, please step back in line."
Me: "But, we're a couple traveling together."
Line Officer, loudly: "Do you co-habitate?"
Me, loudly (without malice or anger): "Yes, sir."
I had to speak loudly for him to hear me because he was standing behind other people in line.
Line Officer: "So, you live at the same address?"
Me, loudly: "Yes, sir."
Line Officer: "Are you married?"
Me, loudly: "Not yet, but God willing, soon."
The counter officer scoffed. Other Americans gasped and scoffed around me.
Line Officer: "Please step back in line, sir."
I complied. I was burning with indignation because I knew that straight couples who weren't married and most likely didn't "co-habitate" weren't interrogated in front of other people like that. Straight couples were allowed to approach the counter together. When Matt and I went to Germany and the Bahamas, we approached the border guards' counters together and no one said anything about it. Leave it to Texas to single us out.
After this brief exchange, Matt was asked about 10 questions at the desk that he's never been asked before. The questions he received were about his job, our finances, who pays for the house, who paid for the trip, what Matt's company was, why we were both unemployed, and on and on. Once I got there, I set my emotions aside to get through and back in the country without trouble. All I wanted to do was get home.
Once we were through, I asked Matt on the way to customs, "So, if I had said we were married, because our passports can't state we're legally married, those guys would have thought we were lying. It can't state we're legally married on our passports because same-sex marriages (or civil unions) aren't recognized federally. So, even then, we would possibly have been interrogated separately anyway. Would we have to cart around our marriage license to fucking prove that we had been married legally in MA, IA, CT, VT, DC, ME, CA, or NH?? We could have legally gotten married in Argentina, Spain, Denmark, the UK, or Canada and other countries, but that wouldn't have been recognized by the US federal law, either."
At the outset, the situation really pissed me off. It made me so angry such that I was almost willing to ask them to interrogate me to make a point, but more than that, I was just ready to be home. So, I continued to mull over the issue and realized that I felt stronger as a person as a result of speaking my mind the way I did. I made a stand, but exhibited peace. Others around me (who I ignored) noticed my reaction, which wasn't the typical all dramatic reaction people see from homosexuals as we're depicted on TV. I feel that I made a strong example of a level-headed person striving to be treated fairly and equally. We didn't point out to anyone - until now - that our straight counterparts were treated better and more fairly and equally than we were.
Knowing who I am is vital. Being a strong person is important. My willingness to vocalize who I am in the face of public, open discrimination is critical to me moving myself forward. Hopefully, I was an example to someone else in that crowd who might not have the courage to do what I did loudly, but peacefully, on their own. That situation steeled me. I really like that word, "steel" in this context because it makes me feel (almost) invincible!
I could say that this next memory is a negative one, but in actuality, it made me a stronger person in an instant - this one instance at the Houston airport where we were unfairly treated. We were confronted with blatant discrimination. We were waiting in line with straight couples (boyfriends and girlfriends - we knew because we exchanged stories of our trips for 10-15 minutes) to re-enter the US. We noticed one couple after the other, couples with and without wedding rings, approach the border guards together to go through the re-entry process - together.
When we were next, we approached together. The border officer at the counter asked me to stand back.
Me: "We're together."
Counter Officer: "Are you a couple?"
Us: "Yes."
Line Officer (behind me), loudly: "Sir, please step back in line."
Me: "But, we're a couple traveling together."
Line Officer, loudly: "Do you co-habitate?"
Me, loudly (without malice or anger): "Yes, sir."
I had to speak loudly for him to hear me because he was standing behind other people in line.
Line Officer: "So, you live at the same address?"
Me, loudly: "Yes, sir."
Line Officer: "Are you married?"
Me, loudly: "Not yet, but God willing, soon."
The counter officer scoffed. Other Americans gasped and scoffed around me.
Line Officer: "Please step back in line, sir."
I complied. I was burning with indignation because I knew that straight couples who weren't married and most likely didn't "co-habitate" weren't interrogated in front of other people like that. Straight couples were allowed to approach the counter together. When Matt and I went to Germany and the Bahamas, we approached the border guards' counters together and no one said anything about it. Leave it to Texas to single us out.
After this brief exchange, Matt was asked about 10 questions at the desk that he's never been asked before. The questions he received were about his job, our finances, who pays for the house, who paid for the trip, what Matt's company was, why we were both unemployed, and on and on. Once I got there, I set my emotions aside to get through and back in the country without trouble. All I wanted to do was get home.
Once we were through, I asked Matt on the way to customs, "So, if I had said we were married, because our passports can't state we're legally married, those guys would have thought we were lying. It can't state we're legally married on our passports because same-sex marriages (or civil unions) aren't recognized federally. So, even then, we would possibly have been interrogated separately anyway. Would we have to cart around our marriage license to fucking prove that we had been married legally in MA, IA, CT, VT, DC, ME, CA, or NH?? We could have legally gotten married in Argentina, Spain, Denmark, the UK, or Canada and other countries, but that wouldn't have been recognized by the US federal law, either."
At the outset, the situation really pissed me off. It made me so angry such that I was almost willing to ask them to interrogate me to make a point, but more than that, I was just ready to be home. So, I continued to mull over the issue and realized that I felt stronger as a person as a result of speaking my mind the way I did. I made a stand, but exhibited peace. Others around me (who I ignored) noticed my reaction, which wasn't the typical all dramatic reaction people see from homosexuals as we're depicted on TV. I feel that I made a strong example of a level-headed person striving to be treated fairly and equally. We didn't point out to anyone - until now - that our straight counterparts were treated better and more fairly and equally than we were.
Knowing who I am is vital. Being a strong person is important. My willingness to vocalize who I am in the face of public, open discrimination is critical to me moving myself forward. Hopefully, I was an example to someone else in that crowd who might not have the courage to do what I did loudly, but peacefully, on their own. That situation steeled me. I really like that word, "steel" in this context because it makes me feel (almost) invincible!
