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wwcitizenMy eldest sister (Anne) has been getting more and more depressed as time goes on since her divorce about 4 years ago. She moved across state just over a year ago for a short-term job (she didn't tell anyone in the family that she knew it was short-term) and the job ended last summer after only 5 months. She didn't move back to where she'd been living for the better part of 8 years. Instead she's stayed in this far-off town (beautiful location, though) away from the family "exerting some level of independence." She's off and on asked advice on what she should do with her life; she's almost 50 years old and she's not been in a career-oriented job now for about 3 years, since her divorce. She's been doing odd jobs here and there, but nothing substantial or career-enhancing.
She now has the opportunity for an interview at a place where she was interviewed a couple of years ago in my home town. In times past, my younger sister (Carolyn) and I were excited about her interviews with her and somewhat prepared her for them. I've also looked on job sites with Anne and for Anne and given her pointers about her resume, etc. One of my biggest statements about applying to jobs is, "You never know until you try and nothing comes from nothing - send in your resume and followup. The least they can say is, 'Sorry, we already have enough candidates.'" You have in essence NOTHING to lose by extending your resume to a place or even working with recruiters who express interest. That's how I got THIS wonderful job I'm now in. Well, the last time I really talked to Anne about a job or seemed like I was integral in providing her with advice was about 4 years ago. It was a job that paid twice what she previously earned, in the same city, working as a manager over 5-6 people and managing budgets of over $1 million annually. She freaked out about that budget number. I asked her if she'd worked with $10K budgets and did well, and she replied, "Yeah... what do you mean?" I said, "All you're doing with the $10K budget is adding two zeroes." She didn't understand that or like my insinuation, but I was encouraging her to apply for the job. She didn't do it. At that point in time, I decided that I wasn't going to help her with her job search anymore because I felt that my time was being wasted. I was unemployed at the same time that she was for about 6 months. I got a job that paid half again as much as my previous job worked hard at the interview process, etc., to make sure that I got the job. I just left that company for my current job and absolutely love it! And I got about a 15 percent increase from my previous job! You can't win unless you give it all you've got, and she's not doing that.
Anne wants to turn down an interview with this place where's she's already been interviewed. Carolyn is now in a quandry about telling Anne that she shouldn't not take an interview in a town 6-7 hours away if the job is only for a year. Thing is, Anne's not working right now at all!! I have told Caroyln that if Anne calls off the interview, then that will be time to tell Anne that Carolyn will not help her on her job search any longer because of the anxiety it's causing Carolyn.
It's frustrating to listen and listen, provide feedback and advice over and over and over again, for it all to go unnoticed, ignored, or cast off. Carolyn is giving Anne attention and being more than supportive! But Anne's actions and decisions are telling Carolyn and me that is Anne doesn't really want our advice or direction. Why should we waste our time then? It's also interesting that Anne points out that she's going to be 50 and that at the same time she's wasting time where she is, but she's concerned about wasting time. That's classic double-speak for "I don't wanna have to work at my life; it should all just fall at my feet! I wanna go out and play..." And then the person (usually a child) would stamper around in a little circle and mope. That's how Anne's acting. She needs a wake-up call and I don't know anything better than people around her pulling away some support. Harsh? Don't know... It's definitely not a Southern way of handling the issue, really. A true Southerner (as we all are) would just want Anne to come down for a glass of ice tea on the back porch and chat about how complicated life is... and then nothing would be decided, but everything will have been addressed and confronted. Distance, time, and waning desire to support all stand in the way of that activity.
She now has the opportunity for an interview at a place where she was interviewed a couple of years ago in my home town. In times past, my younger sister (Carolyn) and I were excited about her interviews with her and somewhat prepared her for them. I've also looked on job sites with Anne and for Anne and given her pointers about her resume, etc. One of my biggest statements about applying to jobs is, "You never know until you try and nothing comes from nothing - send in your resume and followup. The least they can say is, 'Sorry, we already have enough candidates.'" You have in essence NOTHING to lose by extending your resume to a place or even working with recruiters who express interest. That's how I got THIS wonderful job I'm now in. Well, the last time I really talked to Anne about a job or seemed like I was integral in providing her with advice was about 4 years ago. It was a job that paid twice what she previously earned, in the same city, working as a manager over 5-6 people and managing budgets of over $1 million annually. She freaked out about that budget number. I asked her if she'd worked with $10K budgets and did well, and she replied, "Yeah... what do you mean?" I said, "All you're doing with the $10K budget is adding two zeroes." She didn't understand that or like my insinuation, but I was encouraging her to apply for the job. She didn't do it. At that point in time, I decided that I wasn't going to help her with her job search anymore because I felt that my time was being wasted. I was unemployed at the same time that she was for about 6 months. I got a job that paid half again as much as my previous job worked hard at the interview process, etc., to make sure that I got the job. I just left that company for my current job and absolutely love it! And I got about a 15 percent increase from my previous job! You can't win unless you give it all you've got, and she's not doing that.
Anne wants to turn down an interview with this place where's she's already been interviewed. Carolyn is now in a quandry about telling Anne that she shouldn't not take an interview in a town 6-7 hours away if the job is only for a year. Thing is, Anne's not working right now at all!! I have told Caroyln that if Anne calls off the interview, then that will be time to tell Anne that Carolyn will not help her on her job search any longer because of the anxiety it's causing Carolyn.
It's frustrating to listen and listen, provide feedback and advice over and over and over again, for it all to go unnoticed, ignored, or cast off. Carolyn is giving Anne attention and being more than supportive! But Anne's actions and decisions are telling Carolyn and me that is Anne doesn't really want our advice or direction. Why should we waste our time then? It's also interesting that Anne points out that she's going to be 50 and that at the same time she's wasting time where she is, but she's concerned about wasting time. That's classic double-speak for "I don't wanna have to work at my life; it should all just fall at my feet! I wanna go out and play..." And then the person (usually a child) would stamper around in a little circle and mope. That's how Anne's acting. She needs a wake-up call and I don't know anything better than people around her pulling away some support. Harsh? Don't know... It's definitely not a Southern way of handling the issue, really. A true Southerner (as we all are) would just want Anne to come down for a glass of ice tea on the back porch and chat about how complicated life is... and then nothing would be decided, but everything will have been addressed and confronted. Distance, time, and waning desire to support all stand in the way of that activity.
